FJM: Your Best Friend's Baptism Day

Good morning, sweet girl!

Today is a very special day. Today, your best friend, Ezzy, is being Baptized. We know you know all of this already, but I want to tell you all about what today was like here for us on Earth. Your perspective was probably much more exciting and I can't wait to hear about it one day.

So, let me take you back to a few days ago. I saw that nice lady that helps me sort through the sadness  and confusion I feel from missing you and she helped me to remember and recall YOUR Baptism day. This event was so important for your Daddy & I. We didn't know it then, but as time has gone on, we realize in that moment we handed your soul completely over to God. We know you are His child, we know His son, Jesus, is teaching you to pray and when we worry about you, that thought alone can calm me down.

The morning after you were born sleeping, we had your grandparents and your Uncle Paul come back to see you one last time and we planned your Baptism to take place. I laid my pink rosary your Great Grandma Lou gave to me on my First Communion day in your bassinet with you. We snuggled you in your blankets tight. And you were Baptized. In the room next door, your BFF was hanging out with your Aunt Katie & Uncle Jon. I hadn't met Ezzy yet, but I was ready. During this time of sacrament, I felt very anxious. I felt like I had to hold it all together for everyone else when I really just wanted to scream and cry and hold you and never let you go. They tell me this is called "shock and denial" but, how could I ever comprehend in that moment that my sweet baby girl was being baptized after she had already passed through to heaven? I don't know. I just couldn't. I also was very sure, against the will of the church, that you would not have godparents. They said this was okay for that day, but that they would be calling me in a few days to talk to me about that all. I think they knew I couldn't make any decisions. And that I felt completely out of control. So, they gave Daddy & I some time to talk it through and pray about it before we had to decide.

Once you were Baptized, I knew it was time It was time for me to let you go, our time here together was done. I walked up to your bassinet. I kissed your little head. I took my rosary and put it away. And I left the room. I like to recall this as the moment I actually said goodbye to you. It was peaceful, it was grace filled, and it is the moment I know my soul and yours said "goodbye for now". I left the room right after because I needed to go meet Ezra Grace for myself. I know you went with me into that room because it was the most calm I felt the whole time I was in the hospital. You needed me to go meet your soul sister and I was ready to hold her and fall in love with her and giggle thinking about you two high-fiving on your way past each other-- her on her way into the world and you on your way to heaven.

A couple days later, as the lady said they would, the church called us and asked us for names of godparents for you. I told them I just couldn't make this decision, so they asked... "Was anyone else present with you during her Baptism? Anyone at all?"

And it was then I realized.... of course there was. Your Uncle Jon & Aunt Katie were in the next room with Ezra. And THEY were the ONLY people who could godparent your soul from afar. We called them and through lots of tears, they agreed, and we know they pray for you and we know you hang out at their house ALL the time. Thank you for that. But, please.... stop instigating Ezra to have parties at 3am. We know it's you.

So, today, when we woke up and we were getting ready for your sweet friend's Baptism, you have been on our hearts and in our thoughts. I couldn't help but think of the meaning of both of your names: Francesca Joy "Free one with Joy" and Ezra Grace "the little helper with Grace". How cool is that? We know you are free with so much Joy and we know you guide our little helper with grace.

During mass, I believe that during the Liturgy of the Eucharist, all of the Angels and Saints gather around the altar to be there with loved ones while we receive Jesus.  So, every week when your Daddy and I are in mass, I always say hello to you and Em and your Pap Jack (I can only imagine the Barbie collection he's showered you with up there!). Today, I looked to the right of the priest, and I pictured you in your yellow dress with a big yellow bow in that full head of black hair of yours, giggling and waving at your friend, SO EXCITED for her to become an "official" child of your Father in Heaven. I saw Emily smirking, patting you on the head and trying to keep you somewhat under control. Emily, looking on at her best friend from childhood, your Aunt Katie, and nodding her head in approval and pride. I'm sure Aunt Em tells you THE BEST stories. I bet she painted your nails today, too!

And then, during Ezra's Baptism, the priest verified what I saw. He said out loud that all of the Saints and all of our loved ones who have gone before us are present with us during the Baptism of Ezzy. And I felt you. I wanted to cry, but I could only smile. Your little friend was looking up at the lights and the stained glass windows, and I knew you were there and you were playing with her.

So, sweet girl, I want you to know that today we felt your presence and we think of you every single day. We pray for you and we thank you for picking your godparents. We promise to pray for Ezra Grace every single day that we are alive and we know you will guide us through our faith and hold her hand as she takes her own journey with faith.

& I'll leave you today with what I wrote in a letter we wrote to Ezra in Baptism class about our Hopes & Dreams for her life:

Sweet Ezra Grace,

We pray that you always remain the "little helper" God created you to be.

We pray throughout your life, you are open to allowing Jesus to teach you to pray, just as he is teaching your first friend, Francesca Joy. 

All my joy,
Mommy