Showing posts from March, 2017

To my sweet friend with a baby on the way....

I didn't realize how quickly our loss would put me into a category where certain situations were just.... awkward. A couple of weeks after we shared with the world that our sweet Francesca Joy was born sleeping, it happened for the first time. It was one of my friend's birthday. I had it written on my calendar, so I went to send her a message on Facebook saying happy birthday, but I realized we were no longer friends. Confused, I went to her wall and searched. We were just talking the week everything happened? Did I say something wrong? Did I offend her? But, there it was. Just a few days after we announced our loss, she announced her news that she was expecting. I still sent her a message. I said happy birthday and that I just saw her news and I was so happy for her. I didn't hear back from her and so I began to think that maybe she was feeling a couple of ways: 1. Guilty  2. Scared  So, I am writing this blog post in order to help myself and MAYBE other Momma&

FJM: Detoured

I was an hour from home and there it was. A giant yellow flashing sign that said ROAD CLOSED AHEAD, DETOUR. I wanted to scream. I had been in the car for seven hours already and the last thing I had the patience for was a detour. As much as I was enjoying listening to the audio book of The Magnolia Story by Joanna and Chip Gaines, I just wanted to be home. Tears started to well up for about the tenth time on this journey, but I gripped the wheel and continued on. I would be home eventually.  As I took the detour, I know you must have been watching me upset. I was so tired as I just spent the weekend honoring you and that takes an emotional toll on your Momma. Sometimes, I feel like your name is all I have. I put all of my energy into speaking your name with grace. I get so angry about the mere twelve hours I got to spend with you and I get even angrier at myself for not loving on you as much as I feel I should have while you were in my belly. The anger with myself is what send