Taylor Molitierno

September 23, 2016  When the time came for us to be moved to the postpartum floor, Jessica came in and woke us up to inform us of this. As much as they didn’t want to have to move me next to the nursery and newborns, they were in need of labor & deliver rooms, so we had no choice. I was calm & at peace, so I felt okay with this & we were told we would be in a corner end room so there wouldn’t be a lot of traffic past our room. The brought in a wheelchair & this… is where it gets hard for me as a mother.  Protocol at the hospital is that when moving from labor & delivery, you carry your baby for security purposes. I didn’t think twice about this, I love holding Francesca and wish I could hold her in my arms forever. But, as we began what seemed like a 5 mile trek down the hall, I began to feel all of my motherly defenses kick in. People were in the hallway, people were looking at me with my baby girl in my arms and people didn’t know the reality...

September 22nd, 2016.  On the Morning of Thursday, September 22nd, 2016, we heard the sounds of our parents cooking breakfast, making coffee, trying to stay quiet as to not wake us. What they didn’t realize is that we had been up for hours. Every hour since 5am, we were calling the hospital to see if they could get me in yet or if it was a good time to try to come in early before our 11am scheduled induction. At about 8, I decided to emerge from the bedroom, but the second I sat down on the couch, the tears started. I just couldn’t believe it was 12 hours after I thought this whole nightmare was going to start to play itself out, but we still had not yet begun the process of meeting our baby girl. I remember talking with Katy Ursta via text and just telling her how scared I was and she encouraged me to find some time alone to pray. She though God might tell me why I had to wait, but I needed some alone time. I locked myself in our bathroom and in the shower, I asked God “Why? ...

Wednesday, September 21st, 2016.  I can’t really say that we “woke up” as we never fully went to sleep. We dozed in and out of restlessness, sometimes sleeping, but one of us was always seeming to be awake, watching over the other. We knew we would be heading into the hospital at 9pm & my parents would be landing at 5:40pm, so we would pick them up, head to grab food somewhere, & go to the hospital. Dave’s parents would be getting in later that night and they would meet us there.  This day we just spent staring at the clock, counting down the hours and minutes and seconds until we had to be somewhere.  I had a few close friends that I had informed reach out & I spent the majority of an hour in the afternoon stumbling around clumsily trying to figure out what you pack in a hospital bag to deliver a baby. I hadn’t gotten that far in “learning” about the process of childbirth, which just lead to more anxiety about the night to come. I didn’t know wha...

September 24th, 2016 I am staring to write this account of the past couple of days just one day after birthing our beautiful baby, Francesca Joy. Frankie was too beautiful for this earth, but I am blessed to have had her live and feel her spunky spirit inside of me for 27 weeks. I had envisioned the spirit of this child as I grew to know her (we didn’t know her gender until we found out she had passed) & I loved the way she brought us all so much joy, even though we never got to see her sweet face until her soul had carried on. I hope I can do her story justice, but feel fully inclined to start her story in reverse while the past few days and experiences are the most fresh in my mind. By writing this, I hope to bring some joy, peace, and calmness to other parents who may have to deal with this type of grief and loss in the future. I haven’t even begun to experience half of mine, but already know I am going to need help and stories to guide me through. So, here is ours. The sto...